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“One match was a guy because we both like Gilt,” a shopping site. An increasing number of Americans are looking to social media and online dating sites like Tinder or OKCupid to meet potential romantic partners. They’re shopping for human beings, commodifying people.But enchantment requires us to look beyond ourselves and our temporary desires—it requires us to give up control, or as Brooks puts it, to become “vulnerable.” Part of the reason we love quantification—of our love lives, our vocations, even our pastimes—is because we love having a sense of control, the reassurance of a pleasurable outcome.Even those of us who would never use online dating sites will still often Facebook-stalk someone before a date.THE invitation from Yoke.me, a new online dating start-up, seemed innocuous enough.It suggested that I meet some of the single pals of one of my friends.

Through apps like OKCupid and Tinder, we’ve learned to emphasize the temporary and the sensually gratifying in our pursuit of love. Two dates where I was probably settling, compromising and giving in, just to go on dates. Not at all, they were perfectly normal, fine people, just not the match for me. It’s literally a 40 minute survey asking you the same question 37 different ways. First thing you have to do is fill out the SATs of online dating.In a Friday column, David Brooks reviews the data presented by the book People who date online are not shallower or vainer than those who don’t. They have access to very little information that can help them judge if they will fall in love with this person.They pay ridiculous amounts of attention to things like looks, which have little bearing on whether a relationship will work. When online daters actually meet, an entirely different mind-set has to kick in.

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